In my opinion the haiku is both the simplest and most complex of poems. If a haiku does not leave the reader crippled, then it has not succeeded. Please comment on the following poem. If you have not been left speechless, then you have not been adequately touched.
Upon falcon’s wing,
Crisp silence splits the senses,
Leaving one’s sight pure.
Please be brutally honest about your opinion of this poem. A haiku leaves no room for error.
– Author’s Note –
I may or may not have had a couple of drinks before posting this message late last night. That could explain why the surrounding text is a little dramatic. Here is another Haiku, written in the cold light of day after a couple of Tylenols…
Succulent mind games,
Create the perfect storm, that
Echoes evermore.
I wonder which you will like more… Sober Haiku, or Drunken Haiku?
The Elementalist Epoch 
Is it safe to assume that if no one leaves a comment, that everyone was left speechless and unable to comment?
🙂
Thank you. I was worried until now. But this comment eases my soul.
If you want to be a purist, you can erase my comment, that way everyone would be speechless, truly…
Leaving one’s pure sight. (?).
I love haiku … it’s how I get into the writing most of the time. Three short notes to self. Imagery is very important. My apologies for not getting at your last days’ or so of writing. My internet connecty has been diddly for sure. So, I hopped on owled wings to this poem now. Falcons, owls, bees and bats … the prey-ers, as are wolves and other hairy animals I leave to others’ guidance. Winged beasts are totems of mindfulness.
~ Moira
Looking at the falcon: You captured me. I’m yours.
I’m glad you liked it!
Crisp silence splits is rather sibilant and difficult to say if you’re reading it out loud. Only slight flaw I could find. Lovely image, and beautiful falcon.
Thank you for the critique. I am always looking to perfect my art.
Although the precision you would have to muster to say it correctly out loud – slowly and deliberately, emphasizing the two Ps – would convey the split you write about. I prefer the drunken haiku; maybe the “that” ending the 2nd line of the sober haiku can be upped in value as a syllable —–Chagall
These are beautiful. 🙂
Thank you!
Haha drunken public musings, one of my favorite past times. I have to admit, I’m more partial to your tipsy Haiku’s imagery 😉
I am not really surprised. I guess I was feeling less inhibited during my late night ranting…
I feel as if I’m speechless, these are fine haikus. ❤
No question the drunken haiku takes it.
How did I know this would be the winner? I’m glad that my drunkenness does not interfere with my skills…
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